| Saturday, October 13th, 2007 |
| 5:25 pm |
todays goal: 800 intake: 350 - 400 thus far. |
| Friday, October 12th, 2007 |
| 6:12 pm |
i've been binging all week, i suck. hi kill me. i want boy. i want thin. and i can only have them when i have both. if i'm not thin, i won't let myself have boy. if i'm not with boy, i'm depressed. so get what you fucking want, you fat bitch. GET IT. |
| Saturday, October 6th, 2007 |
| 6:17 pm |
i'm horrible!
last night i went to visit friends at work, and had frozen yogurt
then i went to safeway and spent a good twenty minutes debating what to buy
i settled on a beauty magazine & diet pepsi
i knew no one was home,
i had purged once already, two times won't hurt
left safeway, pulled the car into a longs drugs parking lot down the road
twix bar, cheese-flavored munchies, another beauty magazine
ate it all, purged it all
another late night binge a few hours later, didn't purge that
today i feel like SHIT, sick to my damn stomach
intake:
2 eggs with pepper - 140 cal
1 yogurt - 100 cal
diet rootbeer
gum
gym:
20 min stair stepper
2 miles running
.6 miles walking uphill
fuck meeeeeeeeeee
theres talk of purchasing pizza
god damn. |
| Friday, October 5th, 2007 |
| 5:03 pm |
i binged last night, it was horrible
and then i purged in the shower, telling myself that i needed the extra cals for metabolism or whatever and then i get home from school today
binge again. purge again. but not enough purging. feeling pretty down. |
| Thursday, October 4th, 2007 |
| 8:54 pm |
i wish you could be in my brain right now... there is one half of a large vegetarian pizza (personal fav) on the top of the oven. sweet&salty nutrigrain bars (i am literally dying) and ice cream bars. i am sitting here, obediently munching on carrots and resisting to binge. god i hope i do. please please don't let me binge.
my cousin is coming into town again
last weekend she did, HUGE binge weekend
it was uterly ridiculous.
intake:
damn, what did i have for breakfast?
2 apples
1 plum
carrots
god that pizza
that PIZZA.
i could purge it, maybe... hmmm..
gym:
1 hour eliptical
1 hour cardio kickboxing
2 miles biking
whenever my cousin comes, we have a tradition to eat chocolate ice cream bars
that are crusted in almonds, and we call them krusties and eat like five each
which means definite purging this weekend, it has been a month.
allow me to reintroduce myself, throat...
i am fingers, and she is fat
and the two of us
are going to have to do something about that |
| Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007 |
| 9:15 pm |
i didn't work out hard enough today, and i was going to go on a run at night time but it is so freezing outside and i don't want my legs to get huge and muscular, blah.
intake:
1 pear
1 large apple
.... might have some carrots before beddybye
gym:
20 minutes stair stepper
600 crunches
NOT enough
i am so fat, when i stretch my hands together behind my back, i can feel all my back fat crumpling together in large folds. and when i lean to the side, my teeny boobs have a fucking platter to rest on because my fat bunches underneath my boobs, and then rolls out into a slope of disgusting tummy. damnittttt.
|
| Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007 |
| 9:01 pm |
intake:
1 large apple
1 pear
somewhat of a carrot binge, feeling nasty in my tummy
compared to the past few days, its better
compared to when i was at my LW, its worse
but fruit is yum and i always fail when i plan outrageously long fasts
baby steps.
gym:
35 minutes eliptical
15 minutes stair stepper
600 crunches
love love x Current Mood:  pissed offCurrent Music: this photograph is proof - tbs |
| 3:56 pm |
i would tell myself that i'm going to fast today or whatever but i've learned the valuable lessons when it comes to getting back i'm doing a fruit fast until friday, then adding veggies for saturday and sunday all of them must be raw and unprocessed and i must work out i really want to bp right now i haven't in so long and i've been such a good girl! |
| Monday, October 1st, 2007 |
| 9:42 pm |
its been very crazy... a couple of days after i last updated, i had a complete breakdown kicking and screaming and making outrageous wishes to mother 'i just want surgery, GET IT OFF OF ME, i'm so sick, i'm so greedy' and so i told her everything the laxatives, starving,purging, weight loss & weight gain --- and then some. we went to my doctor and he was very vague he isn't worried about me, 34 laxatives and all i'm not worried either, i don't think i'm sick enough but mother insisted on scheduling an appointment with the best eating disorders clinic in the united states oh no no no, it was supposed to be today i got out of it. i completely committed myself to recoverey for a few days, too..
and then today i got an email from proanorexia, i've been accepted into the forum!
i'm taking this as a sign
baby steps
baby steps... |
| Monday, September 24th, 2007 |
| 3:55 pm |
i completely suck...
binged carried over into sunday, and now i'm exactly where i was before starting 2468. i just want to walk into the kitchen and eat everything. there are lays chips in there. i suck suck suck SUCK SUCK. i'm going to set a goal cal intake everyday, though, because that was one useful thing about 2468. |
| Saturday, September 22nd, 2007 |
| 10:21 pm |
today started off well, i woke up at 430 PM and ate around 400 calories of wheat bread, eggs, prunes, and a plum. and then i had a bunch of work to do for school, and before i knew it, my family was sitting down to dinner at 7 PM and my dad informed me that the gym was closed. with dinner, i had finished my 800 calories for the day and now i couldn't work it off. i felt horrible so i ate two bowls of ice cream and chips and just binged in misery. this completely sucks. my 2468 cycle number one is done, i'll weigh myself tomorrow morning and suffer the loss of all the calories tonight. if 2468 is as great for my metabolism as it claims to be, i really hope that i have a bowel movement really soon. i'm frustrated and am probably going to keep binging throughout the night. tomorrow i'm going to the gym at 7 AM, church at 8 30 AM, work at 1115 AM, working at a friends carwash at 1 PM, working on a film at 3 PM, youth group at 7 PM, and then the gym will be closed and my first 200 day of cycle 2 of 2468 will be done. you win some, you lose some. |
| Friday, September 21st, 2007 |
| 9:14 pm |
the rest of my food intake:
1 pria bar - 110 cal
8 baby carrots - 48 cal
5 bites of this horrible low cal soup - 30 cal (?)
1 slice orowheat bread - 80 cal
2 slice deli thin turkey breast - 20 cal
total: 598 calories
gym:
3 miles tredmill - 320
7 miles bike - 300
total: 620 burned
|
| 3:37 pm |
today is my 600 day of 2468
so far i've had:
orowheat toast - 80 cal
smart balance spray butter - 0 cal
veggie delite 6" on wheat - 230
& still so much to eat
i have to burn 600 at the gym tonight
after yesterdays kick boxing class & 4 miles on the eliptical... i am not looking forward to it
but i AM looking forward to thin |
| Thursday, September 20th, 2007 |
| 3:55 am |
i figure that i'll write as much as i damn well please in here
it looks stupid on opendiary.com when youre constantly posting
i'll write when i want on lj
my hunger headache is subsiding a little
i'm craving a cinnamon bun, how lame
i get egg whites in two hours
i get egg whites in two hours
i get egg whites in two hours |
| 2:37 am |
i don't update on here much, i use opendiary.com more often.
i really want to be in the proanorexia forum though,
and i would update more if i were to be excepted
but the forum usually takes a while to be accepted into
sighhhh
i'm 2468ing right now
i can't sleep
i had a yogurt and an apple today
which is under my goal intake for today, technically
but i chew lots of gum
probably 20 calories worth
ta ta ! |
| Wednesday, September 12th, 2007 |
| 4:03 pm |
b: nothing l: nothing d: nothing i hope i ate all weekend i am so fucking fat i saw pictures of me at my lw this past summer my collar bones were cute and now they are covered. |
| Thursday, September 6th, 2007 |
| 3:57 pm |
b: 1 light n fit yogurt - 60 cal 1 south beach cereal bar - 140 couple handfuls granola - ehhh 26 laxatives. l: none d: n/a my innards ache |
| Monday, September 3rd, 2007 |
| 5:39 pm |
currently: gathering up all binge trigger foods into large plastic bag and disposing of them in nearby industrial sized garbage bin whatever it takes |
| Sunday, September 2nd, 2007 |
| 6:23 pm |
b: everything l: everything d: everything bonafied fucking fat girl Current Mood:  distressed |
| Saturday, September 1st, 2007 |
| 4:26 pm |
B: none
L: none
D: n/a
cousin is in town, which means family dinners and going out to eat
i got so sick yesterday after taking 24 laxatives the day prior
i was convulsing, hallucinating, shaking, exploding
i've taken that many before, i don't know why it was so dramatic
but it was scary
today is my normal weigh in day, but i binged last night
so i'll refrain until monday morning.
won't eat til then
hoping i get accepted into proanorexia forum
Current Music: graham colton band |
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